When I was younger, I thought I would have all of my children in my twenties, and then my thirties would just be spent raising them.

If I had gone that route, I wouldn’t have a two-year-old right now. I would have an eleven-year-old, an eight-year-old, and probably a six-year-old.

But that isn’t how things worked out.

After having my first two kids, I had put on some extra weight from each of those pregnancies, and then just being a stay-at-home mom, we weren’t always so active. We had cozy home-cooked meals, we were home most days, and I put on some extra weight that I wasn’t planning on.

So I told myself I wasn’t having any more kids until I lost the weight.

Well, six years went by.

And I did not lose the weight.

I had a few attempts that were going pretty good, but I never lost as much as I wanted to. So I just kept holding off on having another baby.

Until one day, something clicked.

My kids were already getting older. If I had another baby now, they were going to be pretty far apart in age. And if I waited any longer, the age gap was only going to get bigger.

So I decided to have my third baby.

And I wouldn’t change it for a thing.

The Age Gap I Was Afraid Of

My first two kids are two years and ten months apart, so they were pretty close in age.

They’ve grown up really close together. They essentially became best friends throughout their childhood.

So when I thought about having another baby six years later, I worried that he might miss out on that.

I pictured him growing up a little lonely because his older siblings were so far apart in age. I thought they would naturally want to do their own age-appropriate things while he was off doing toddler things.

I almost felt like I was starting over with my first baby again.

I knew my older children would be involved with him, of course. I just didn’t expect them to be this involved.

And I guess that’s just the beauty of raising a close-knit family.

Because my toddler is not growing up lonely.

Not even close.

Watching Them Together

I can’t explain how incredibly beautiful it is to watch your eight-year-old son carry around his two-year-old brother.

Or to watch your oldest child hang upside down on the couch while her little brother shoves Cheerios into her mouth.

They play together constantly.

My eight-year-old can pull out his toy cars and show his little brother what each one is. They’ll pull out this really long racetrack we have that’s as long as our stairs, sit at the top of the steps, and put the cars down the track one by one just to watch them crash into the wall.

And they have a ball with it.

They’ll sit on the back porch with remote-control cars, racing them around and bumping them into each other.

My older son will ride his little brother around the yard on his toy tractor. He likes to say it’s basically a giant remote-control car for him.

They’ll all go down to the mud kitchen and play together in the dirt.

They’ll get on the trampoline together.

They’re all three always together.

And when I say always, it’s not a fabrication.

They are always together.

My oldest tells me every day how much she absolutely adores and loves her little brother.

And I’m not worried anymore about what happens when she becomes a teenager and he’s still a little kid.

I don’t think she’s suddenly going to go off on her own and abandon her little brother. I don’t see my eight-year-old doing that either.

In fact, as my toddler gets older, there seems to be even more connection because he’s becoming able to participate in more of the things they enjoy.

The age gap I thought might separate them has become something really beautiful to watch.

Close Age Gaps Are Beautiful Too

I’ve experienced both sides of this.

My first two were only two years and ten months apart.

And it was hard.

When my second baby was born, my toddler couldn’t really help. She could maybe fetch me a diaper if there was one in a bin nearby, but both of them were totally dependent on me at the same time.

They were at different ages and stages, so they needed different things from me.

Toddlerhood was absolutely precious with my daughter, but at the same time, I had a baby.

I was giving my attention to both of them, and I know there were little moments I missed with her because I was taking care of a baby too.

I carried guilt about that for a long time.

Because your first child starts out having all of your undivided attention, and then you add another baby and suddenly that attention has to be shared.

I’ve had to work my way through that guilt.

But then I look at what she got out of it.

She got a brother she grew up close with, who essentially became her best friend throughout her childhood.

I wouldn’t change their age gap for anything either.

I don’t think one age gap is better than another anymore.

They’re just different.

And there is beauty in both of them.

Having Older Kids and a Toddler

Having a toddler with older children has been much smoother sailing than I pictured it would be.

My older two are much more independent.

They can make themselves something to eat if I’ve got my hands full. They can toss a load of laundry in if I’m running behind. They’re old enough to actually help around the house.

And they’re old enough to give me a break sometimes.

They can sit on the floor and play with their little brother while I have five minutes—or even twenty—to myself.

After I’ve reheated my coffee for the second time, I can actually sit there and drink it while they play with him on the floor.

I don’t feel like I have to constantly entertain my toddler because his siblings already do that all on their own.

Because they love him.

And playing with a toddler is actually so much fun for them.

They laugh together. They imagine together. They teach him.

They’re naturally teaching him the names of things, his colors, how to count, and how things work.

And I honestly think he’s become more independent because he has these older siblings to look up to.

He sees them doing big-kid things, and it makes him want to do big-boy things all on his own.

It’s truly amazing to witness.

I Should Have Known From My Own Sister

The funny thing is, I probably should have known that all of my fears about a larger age gap didn’t need to be fears at all.

I’m eleven years older than my youngest sister.

And when she was born, she was honestly the reason I knew I wanted to be a mother.

Every little girl who plays with baby dolls knows she might want a baby someday. But when my sister was born, suddenly there was a real-life baby there.

I helped my mom with her.

I loved being around her.

I even asked my mom one day,

“Mommy, can Sarah be my baby?”

And I don’t know why I thought she would say yes, but I genuinely did.

I thought, My mom loves me. Why wouldn’t she let my sister be my baby?

As she got older, I played dress-up with her. I’d put her in princess outfits with tiaras and clip-on earrings, put a little makeup on her, and take her picture.

We went on walks around the neighborhood together.

And when I grew up and moved out of state, she would come stay with me for a couple of weeks during the summer.

I loved that.

Our relationship had always existed within our family—Mom and Dad, the two sisters, and our brother.

But then I was old enough to have my own house, and my little teenage sister could come spend part of the summer with just me.

There was something special about that.

We could do whatever we wanted. There wasn’t really any asking Mom or Dad.

Unfortunately, I may have taken that freedom a little too far once and dyed her hair.

My mom was not happy about that.

But what are big sisters for?

We’ve got to bend the rules a little bit.

And now we’re both adults.

We’re still close.

There’s an eleven-year age gap between us, and it never stopped us from having a relationship.

Getting to Experience Toddlerhood Again

There are times when I think about the six years I waited and wish I hadn’t postponed having another baby for so long.

But I hush those thoughts with the reality I have right now.

Because look at it.

Look at the relationship my children have.

Look at the way they play together.

Look at the beauty that came out of the exact age gap I was so worried about.

I would never trade this age gap for anything.

And honestly?

I’ve loved having a toddler in my thirties.

I really do.

I thought my twenties would be when I had all my babies and my thirties would simply be when I raised them.

Instead, I get to spend part of my thirties watching a toddler grow up all over again.

I loved doing this with my older two in my twenties.

And now it’s almost like I’ve been given the blessing of getting to experience it again.

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If You’re Worried You’ve Waited Too Long

I think there are probably other moms out there who deeply want another child but worry they’ve waited too long.

Maybe life circumstances got in the way.

Maybe things didn’t happen according to the timeline you pictured when you were younger.

Maybe your youngest is already eight.

Or eleven.

Or fifteen.

And now you’re thinking, Is the age gap just too big?

From my own experience, I can tell you that it doesn’t have to be.

Your baby isn’t necessarily going to miss out because their siblings are older.

Their relationship may look different than siblings who are two or three years apart.

But different doesn’t mean less.

My toddler’s life is incredibly rich because he has these two older siblings who absolutely adore him.

And my older children’s lives are richer because they have him too.

So if the only thing holding you back from having another child you deeply want is the fear of a larger age gap, I wouldn’t let the number of years make that decision for you.

Sometimes life doesn’t follow the timeline we imagined when we were younger.

Mine certainly didn’t.

But I believe every child is here at the exact right time they were supposed to be.

And looking at my three together now, I wouldn’t rearrange their story at all. 🤍